Unkle Munky Pg 88
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. *Munky is also available here... ---- This week Munky gets one free… *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- How am I Driving? Liam from Gateshead asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I followed a lorry on my way to work this morning. On the rear door there was a notice asking ‘How am I driving?’ Surely the driver of said vehicle must already have some inkling of the aforementioned procedure? Is it common practice to allow unqualified personnel to drive such potentially dangerous vehicles? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Liam, I am aware of the puzzling notices of which you speak and am currently raising questions with my local MP with regards to this unsatisfactory practice. Meanwhile I would recommend that you do not contact the telephone numbers that accompany said notices. After all, if the driver himself doesn’t know how he’s driving, then how the hell are you supposed to? ''It’s going to be a long week…'' ---- Bungle's Barely News. ---- Signal Boosting. Kate from Belfast asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I have fallen head over high heels for a really fit lad who attends the same college as my good self. Though we share numerous lectures he never seems to notice me. What can I do. 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Kate, The male of the species is woefully ill equipped to pick up on any subtle signals of a romantic nature. I would therefore recommend, on this occasion, that you simply throw caution to the wind and attend your next class in just your bra and panties. ---- ---- First Base? Rachel from Harrow asks - Dear Unkle Munky, How far should a respectable young lady be prepared to go on a first date? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Rachel, I would recommend, on the occasion of an initial date, that you go no further than the bottom of your street. Always tell someone where you are going and don’t forget to take your phone. Rachel replies - What the fuc..? ---- Razzled. John from Stoke asks - Dear Unkle Munky, How can I be sure to keep my new years resolutions. 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear John, Keeping your new years resolutions can be made far easier by resolving to do something that will bring you satisfaction and joy, as opposed to resentment and misery. For men, and occasionally women, this usually means amassing more pornography. ---- ''Dear Unkle Munky, I have received numerous complaints with regards to the previous post.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Yes, I am inclined to agree Ms. Motion Sickness, £2.25 for an old copy of Razzle is a bit on the steep side. ''Mary replies - Oh fer fuck’s sake! I give up.'' ---- Lemmy Explain... Lianna from Knutsford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it okay to connect a dishwasher using just the blue pipe as opposed to connecting both the blue and the red? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Lianna, Operating a dishwasher by connecting just the cold inlet pipe will not damage said appliance. The washing cycle, however, might take a little longer to fully complete as the heating element will have more work to do. Further information can be sought from ‘Lemmy Explain… Dishwashers’ (A Munky Publication in which Lemmy from Motorhead explains stuff.) ---- A short paws whilst Munky considers the hazards faced by zebras who might unwittingly disappear as they innocently attempt to negotiate busy roads via established zebra crossings. ---- Weighing Scales. Denise from Perth asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My friend of twelve years recently told me that she was going on a diet. I innocently asked if she would care to expand and now she’s not talking to me )-: What can I do? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Denise, A simple apology should suffice with regards to this problem. Remind your friend that her irritability might be linked to the thin skin that her ever expanding condition as provoked. ---- Ref. Picture Anomaly. Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, Why did you deem it necessary to append such a disturbing picture to the previous post? ''Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Oh, sorry Munky. I simply confused weighing scales with slaying whales. You should perhaps attempt to speak clearer when dictating your jpeg requirements! And now, if you do not mind, I have goth practice. Good day!''' ---- The Final Word. Today’s final word goes to popular keep-fit instructor, Ms. Nicki Waterman… '''Unkle Munky says -' Wow. That’s great. Thanks Nicki. ---- Unkle Munky is also available here... ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... The Diary of a Munky... Return to Munky Menu...